Remember When Obama Tried To Take Away Your Guns?

This one may take a minute to develop.

Kinda like the old shacks in the parking lots at Lucky’s Grocery.  You pulled up, gave them your roll of film, and came back another day for your pictures.

Did I just show my age?

Eight years ago, all I heard was that Obama is going to take away everybody’s guns.  That was the number one reason to not elect a person who otherwise seemed very sane and presented himself very well.  Yes, Obama was a refreshing change after G.W. Bush made  up words and started crazy wars for eight years.

I remember arguing with a truck driver from Illinois.  He knew Obama way better than I ever would because Obama was the Illinois Senator.

He was after all of our guns.

This truck driver died last year on the road in an accident.  Cars kill so many people.  Nobody is trying to take away your cars either, but we also want to ensure that sane people who pass a test and can see and are licensed and their cars are licensed and on and on and on are the only ones driving on the road.

If you or your car are not licensed, you get a stiff penalty.

You also have to have insurance in case of any accidents.

The number is like 50,000 dead per year in traffic accidents.  I’m not looking up any statistics on this.  Don’t feel like it.  I’m going to spew this like Trump.

The point is that here we are eight years later and nobody tried to take away your guns.  Nobody.  The rhetoric regarding this was merely that.

In fact, in some states, it’s okay to carry your guns out in the open.  Still.  In spite of all that Obama really never tried to do.

Yes, open carry states are all the rage.

Donald J. Trump suggests that it is the only way to go.  That if everybody had guns then we would see action movies in real life and bullets would be going both ways and the bad guys would be the only ones hit.

Donald J. Trump is a fucking idiot.

And so is Ted Cruz.  He cooks bacon with his weapon.  Impressive.

North Carolina is an open carry state.

Apparently it’s only open carry in some of these states if one is from European descent.  Because the whole world has now seen the video footage of a man being killed in front of his wife.  The police said he had a gun in his car.  They later provided proof he had rolled and smoked an entire marijuana joint.

Because nothing makes a man want to go crazy and commit violent acts than marijuana.

If they are going to go after him for having a gun in an open carry state, then they need to go after everybody for having a gun.  Or cease with this open carry nonsense.  Nobody is comfortable around you if you’re openly carrying a deadly weapon.


I guess that’s the point.  Power.

Some people need it to be like that.

This is where I announce that I have no need for guns and have never even touched one.

I’m disinterested.

This is where I pull out a post a relative of mine put on social media.  It was relayed to me.  Because somebody thought it would be of interest to me.

I surrender.  Hillary wins.  I’m fricked (yes, he said that word).  I need to figure out where to bury my 170 firearms.

And then something about how he has one more and it’s an AR-15 because somebody owed him some money.


Unfortunately, and I know this because I met him before.  My relative only has two hands.  Not 170.

So, in his world, swearing is worse than having deadly weapons laying around.

In his world, he is more powerful when he has way more guns than he could ever use.

In his world, he thinks Hillary Clinton will accomplish what Obama could not.

Yes, every Democrat is coming after your guns.  They will be outlawed.  Republicans are going to all have to learn karate.

Open carry will not exist anymore.

When the apocalypse comes, you will have to first find your shovel, dig out your guns, and you’ll then be safe.  That’s if the zombies don’t eat your brains first.

Doesn’t matter, if you shoot them after having your brains eaten, at least you still have your guns!!!

But if you stub your toe while getting your shovel out of the shed, you better fucking say “frick” because otherwise you’ll be struck down by your god for fuck’s sake.

I’m going to finish this up.  Because the baseball game is on and it’s almost playoffs.

Why is it so difficult to swear and so easy to carry a deadly weapon?

Why can’t we pass the same common sense legislation toward gun use as we do toward driving cars?  Let’s be realistic.  Cars are designed for transportation purposes.  Guns are designed to remove people from their lives.

Don’t get too upset.  I know, guns are also used to remove other animals from the living as well.

Eight years ago, Obama was going to take away everybody’s guns.

There was also a period when he was trying to kill your grandma with his health care plan.

Today Clinton is.  She will take your guns and kill your grandma and she also practices witchcraft.

Can you imagine voting Clinton into office just days after Halloween?

Wait, Trump is orange like a pumpkin.  Witches and Trump-O-Lanterns.

The fact is Obama did nothing toward the made up goal.  Clinton won’t either.

Because nobody is setting out to destroy the Second Amendment.  Nobody.

But fear is pretty cool.

Ain’t it?

Golly gee willickers.


Of Course I Handled It With Class

Want to dissect a crazy year of politics and the hatred that exists?

Here it is.  In a nutshell.

Nutshell, by the way, was a great Alice In Chains song.

My cousin texted me last night that she might be a Libertarian.  This comes on the heels of me watching Chuck Todd talk only about how young people have been looking to Gary Johnson and “others” as alternatives to the very distrusted candidates that the country we call America has chosen as their representatives.

Of course I handled this text with nothing but class.

I believe my immediate response was “No.  No.  No.”

I followed that rather quickly with a text which simply said, “I will judge you.”

Nothing but class.

But I guess I wonder why Chuck Todd and 60 Minutes decided that Gary Johnson is worth talking about and giving national attention.

My theory is that Jill Stein aligns more closely with Bernie Sanders.  If young people learn that little piece of information, then “vote for Hillary or else Trump happens” loses its strength.  It’s not a good argument.

Never let people know there are alternatives.  They may actually take you up on them.

Trickiest thing ever.  Allowing people to know they have choices in regard to what they’ve been told to expect.  Completely why I taught my children the basic ideology for every major religion when they were young.  Seriously one of my proudest moves.

It’s so much easier to sell good vs. bad.
Right vs. Wrong.
Heaven vs. Hell.
Trump vs. Clinton.
Batman vs. Superman.
Protestants vs. Catholics.
Christian vs. Muslim.
Democrat vs. Republican.

America vs. The World.

But Libertarians only care about themselves.  I’ve met so many of them.  They start by saying, I’m an economic conservative but a social liberal.  Money always wins.  They will never make decisions based on social ideology.

I texted my cousin a follow-up this morning.  I told her about the Koch Brother who ran as VP on the Libertarian Party ticket in 1980 only to lose to Reagan and Bush.  So the Koch Brothers launched a plan to buy the Republican Party from the inside with money made from oil.  Not much different than the Saudis.  Not much different at all.

Libertarians do not care about people.  But Gary Johnson sells this idea that people are all afforded rights and the War on Drugs should end and we should cut down on defense spending because why do we have a big, giant government fighting wars and abortion is okay and on and on and on.

I argued that the Koch Brothers have basically made the Republicans an arm of the Libertarian movement and Gary Johnson was once a Republican governor.  So what’s the difference?

I argued that the most Bush supporters I ever met were Libertarian in their arguments.  And Bush screwed this country over by causing wars that did not need to happen in order to supplement large corporations with tax funded welfare.

Libertarians are the most selfish of all parties I have read about in America.

But here is where we are in our social discourse.  Libertarians don’t seem like ass holes.

Because the two candidates who are running for office are ass holes.

They get the coverage.  They both have pay to play plans.

They are both wealthy.

They are both corrupt.

Which evil will you choose?

My cousin has not responded to me today.  She did not appreciate the response I gave her.  But greedy politicians are a dime a dozen.  They just are.

Why go full on  greedy?

Why make that plunge?

Life is hard enough.

So I just aim to be classy in my discourse.

Now, here’s that song.  Because it is good.  Very good.

And, please, look at Jill Stein.

News of the World

My dog, Robbie, does this little thing after he does what I affectionately call “dropping a Cruz.”  Because Cruz is a piece of shit.

I’m going to say it until it sticks and all those who are not blind to his hateful garbage start using it for all their pets.  Dropping a Cruz can be used for cats as well.  No harm in leaving little Cruzes in litter boxes.

Anyway, when Robbie drops a Cruz, he starts to walk away and then swipes his back paws across the ground as if he’s covering it up.  I don’t know why.  He never looks back to ensure that he covered it up.  He could be on sand, dirt, grass, concrete, it really doesn’t matter.

But he does it nearly every single time.

Covering none of the shit he leaves behind.

I feel it a solid metaphor for today’s political climate.  Just is.

Doesn’t matter how feebly anybody swipes their rear paws over the shit that was left behind, they never check to see if it was covered.  And they don’t care.

All of Trump’s missteps have done him no harm.

Perfect example would be how he handled when he said of Carly Fiorina, look at that face, who would ever vote for that face?

Or when he made fun of the journalist who is handicapped.

Or, recently, when he tweeted that a rude comment he said was sarcasm.

He’s more than willing to allow his shit to sit there for all the world to see.  He’s actually seemingly proud of his shit.

But if somebody else doesn’t like his shit.  If somebody else thinks it stinks.  If anybody wants to comment on how awful his shit is.

Well, he just swipes his metaphorical back paws and keeps moving.

Clinton doesn’t get in trouble no matter what either.  She’s made some missteps which would bring down most candidates.  Major missteps.

I got tired of hearing about the headers in the emails last week.  Basically, if you received no classified email, you were not deemed trustworthy.  Maybe I’m not fully understanding what all her issues are really about, but I think I do.

And they both do as good of a job at covering the shit as my dog Robbie.  Who is just a puppy still.

This goes for how Clinton handles accusations that she received very healthy donations from very rich people who have a very big agenda.

*swipe swipe*

Show me how money ever changed my vote.

I don’t know.  How would you have voted had you never gotten the money and only had your conscience as your guide?

So how about them transcripts?

*swipe swipe*

Where are Donald Trump’s tax returns?

Okay, okay.  I’m not going to say that all these candidates have to be completely transparent.  But if you’re going to advertise it, you should probably at least make the appearance that this could happen.

Transparency?  But Trump is vague and won’t tell us how he would approach any real world problems outside of immigration.

I understand, Trump is a horrible option for president, but stop swiping and address your own shit that is still laying on the ground as you walk away from it.

Clinton was filmed nearly passing out and having to get into a van with much help.

*swipe swipe*


I’m not saying I wish Hillary Clinton ill, but why has she been walking around with pneumonia?  Why did she embrace that little girl on the street yesterday knowing she had pneumonia?

And why was it first the heat?  In September?  When it wasn’t that warm?

Eric Trump posted a picture which he claimed was Pensacola, FL the night before, but it was really Dallas, TX at a very big event months ago.

*swipe swipe*

And even that was a response to Clinton’s statement that Trump supporters are a basket of deplorables.  How does one alienate voters that way?

The media acts as the rear paws of society.

If society were as cute as my dog.

Top local story today?  The local National Football League team won their game, but who stood and who knelt during the National Anthem?  Especially on this holiest of nationalist days- 9/11.

Those are the blades of grass the media uses to distract from any relevant information you may want to know.

DAPL is going as planned.  They are using attack dogs and pepper spray to push back any protesters.  They are issuing warrants for arrests.  This is something that should actually be news on any station which considers itself a news entity.

But can you believe that Arian Foster did not stand for the National Anthem?

All week, the main question is what will each team do during the Anthem?

By the way, there has been so much made about how these two candidates are the most disliked in modern history, but we have yet to comment on how the candidates’ supporters are the most hateful ever.

The discourse is awful.

If we can even call it discourse.

I’m about ready to take Robbie out for his morning walk.  Only way I get sleep at night is by making him run and run and run.

We will get around the corner and he will squat and drop a Cruz as he does every single time.  He will take those two steps followed by the swiping of his back paws along the ground.  All his shit will still be exposed, and if I leave it, the flies will arrive in no time making that shit seem like it’s the best shit ever.

I’m not going to say it’s any better if I pick it up in a transparent bag, but at least I will have addressed it.  At least I will have kept the flies from worshiping his shit.


We Need a Ban on Toddlers, Bigly!

I, as many of you, watched Donald Trump deliver a speech to America in Phoenix the other night.  I didn’t watch it all.  I couldn’t.

It was a very, very bad speech.

And I can understand why so many of you think that Trump not being good at reading off a teleprompter is just fine.  It means he’s not a real politician.

And I hate myself for writing about Trump again.  Because he may be a piece of shit, but the only reason the other piece of shit in the race may win is because Trump is such a heaping pile of shit that it makes her look good.

Yes, I am arguing that the lesser of two evils argument is similar to two piles of shit next to each other.  I mean, which one do you keep?

I won’t let go of the fact that she continues to lie.  I cannot let go of the fact that Clinton doesn’t really care about our democracy.  Mocks it even.  She claims transparency but refuses to do any press conferences even though there’s been plenty for her to talk to America about.  Oh, and all she does is take money from donors.  No speeches.  No rallies.  None of it.  All closed doors.  Nice new plane by the way.  She is buying her place in American history.  At any cost.

I was reading about all the earthquakes in Oklahoma this year.  Immediately I thought about the “progressive who will get things done” and her stance on fracking.  And the money received from the oil industry.


Trump goes out and makes the case that immigrants are horrible people.  The man who has had three marriages and the two longest ones were to immigrants.

Trump makes his case by calling illegal immigrants everything bad.  We all know he told us they are rapists and criminals, but the other night he said…

Countless Americans who have died in recent years would be alive today if not for the open border policies of this administration and the administration that causes this horrible, horrible thought process, called Hillary Clinton.

Countless?  There are people who have counted them.  That’s their job.

Trump is also on record for saying that many, many people would have lived in San Bernadino and Paris had they been carrying guns.  Because reasonable gun control policies do not make sense.

But all the Die Hard movies do make sense.

Life is a shoot out.

Anyway, Trump begins to tell the stories of people who were shot and killed by immigrants.  He basically counted off the people who have been killed.

A 2011 report from the Government Accountability Office found that illegal immigrants and other non-citizens, in our prisons and jails together, had around 25,000 homicide arrests to their names, 25,000.

Sounds like somebody has been counting.

All I want is if somebody is going to argue we speak English in this country, then that person better know how to use the English language.

Trump gave five examples of people being killed by illegal immigrants.  He didn’t count them, because then they wouldn’t be countless, but he gave the examples.

Like this.

Also among the victims of the Obama-Clinton open borders policy was Grant Ronnebeck, a 21-year-old convenience store clerk and a really good guy from Mesa, Arizona. A lot of you have known about Grant.

He was murdered by an illegal immigrant gang member previously convicted of burglary, who had also been released from federal custody, and they knew it was going to happen again.

I don’t even want to get into the number of gang related deaths and killings which happen in our country on a daily basis.  I just don’t.  Because the real problem isn’t Obama or Clinton or the fact that these people are illegal immigrants.  The problem is deeper.

It’s societal.  And for every death he can count off, I think we can count off deaths of different types from different cultures or of different types.

I realize that Trump is trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator of Americans.  I understand this.  Otherwise he wouldn’t have decided to do his speech in Phoenix where they have passed horrible laws in regards to non-white people.

As I was watching, I thought about stories I have seen that toddlers have killed more people than terrorist acts.  The fact is that there have been more than five killings.

The fact is that these add up.

The fact is that loaded guns should not be left out for children to play with, because the television tells us that guns are exciting.

So here’s my Trumpish speech on banning all toddlers.

We have  very serious problem in America people.  Very serious.


They are killing our fathers and mothers and neighbors.  They are shooting them dead.

It’s horrible.  Absolutely horrible.

Countless numbers of people have been killed by toddlers in the past few years.  Countless.  Very sad.

In 2013, there was a five month stretch in which 11 different deaths occurred from toddlers.  We can’t have this.

I say ban all toddlers.

Once  your wobbly kneed kids start to roam this earth, they should be sent to Romper Room until they are old enough to know better.

Here are a few examples which will remain uncounted from 2013.

April 6: Josephine Fanning, 48, shot and killed by 4-year-old boy at a barbecue, Wilson County, Tenn.

April 8: 4-year-old shoots and kills 6-year-old friend Brandon Holt, Toms River, N.J.

April 9: 3-year-old is killed after he finds a pink gun that he thinks is a toy, Greenville, S.C.

Sad.  Very sad.

I love the people of South Carolina.  And Tennessee.  New Jersey is fine, but that kid named Brandon had it coming.

So we have a toddler problem.  They are coming into our lives.  They are absorbing all of our time.  They are finding the guns we leave laying around and they are shooting each other and us.  And us people.  Very sad.

We have to keep toddlers out of our lives.  They are so needy.

I’m not sure what the best answer is right now, but I know we have a toddler problem epidemic.

Maybe we create a scientific way for our children to never be 3 to 6 years old.

Maybe we lock them up for four years and not let them out of Romper Room like I said before.

Maybe we just keep anybody who doesn’t make at least one billion dollars from having children.  Because, you know I’ve always had nannies to raise my kids.  Each and every one.  And it’s a beautiful thing.  Not one of my kids has shot any humans.  Just elephants.  And bears.  And whatever else they can afford to shoot in a controlled environment.

Maybe it was another human?  That human probably didn’t have as good of a life as Donald Jr. anyway and probably wanted it to end.  But I’m pretty sure that non of my kids shot anything as a toddler.  I had very good nannies.  Very good.

So I’m calling for a Constitutional and immediate ban on all toddlers in our country.  And I know where toddlers come from.  It’s disgusting.

*pulls out a poster with a picture of a clown and a line drawn over it’s head*

You must be this tall to be in our country.

Think of all the lives we save.

Because guns don’t kill people.  Toddlers who find guns laying around kill people.

Believe me.  I’m going to fix this.